love done right

 

tumblr_oyv5q9KIuG1wv4f43o1_500.pngNormally when I have a really long word vomit type post full of feelings and emotions for you all, I like to check out some of the other online reading I do to see if there are other articles out there on the interweb that match how my heart is feelin’ at the moment. I do this to get another point of view into the subject and to really just quite frankly, get myself even more into the feels and passionate about the topic in order to type out some real good stuff for all of you, considering you deserve the best. However, today I couldn’t find anything about how you need to be so aware of how you want to be loved and to go ahead and be forward about that, and I am honestly a little disheartened and decided I needed to be the one to share it with the world then, because it is SO ! DANG ! IMPORTANT !

I also couldn’t find a good and accurate quote to relay what my heart is trying to put into words anywhere, so when this goes viral one day, someone out there make into something cute and post it on Pinterest okay? Thanks. But here’s my shot:
Love is a fantastic, wonderful, extraordinary concept. Everyone’s love is individualized to their own heart, shaped by their experiences, personality, and way of going about life. That’s the craziest and coolest thing about love: it’s not easy. It’s a challenge to understand another individual and how their heart loves, and how to express your own love in a way that best fits them. I truly don’t think there is anything more beautiful and loving than knowing a person’s heart so well. Learning to love someone is a constant and ever-changing adventure. However, this whole ordeal of loving someone the way they properly should can’t happen without communication.

Believe it or not, the people that love you can’t read your mind, as much as sometimes I’m convinced that they can! Trust me, I haven’t always been good at expressing how I feel in person, to be quite honest I just discovered how important it really is and what it looks like for myself within the past year. I often feel like I am being a burden or that my input sounds needy or a lot to ask of another individual and avoided the situation of telling others how I felt all together. This often ended up causing tension when things I didn’t like occurred or I felt left out or hurt in any way. I felt in a rut of being stuck between wanting to be selfless and wanting a healthy relationship with others.

Crazy fact I learned after pondering this for many years: How you feel ABSOLUTELY matters and if someone really loves you, telling them how you feel about things WILL NOT damage your relationship whatsoever.

Now I get that this whole thing is very vague, and I am trying to intentionally keep it that way in order for you to decide how you want to best go about all this for yourself. But telling your friends and relationships how you want to be loved is as simple as figuring out what makes you feel good and what doesn’t.

As someone that deals with a lot of anxiety, telling people BEFOREHAND what makes me get all nervous or quiet and in a bad space, allows them to prevent maybe talking about a topic they had no idea would affect me. Simply taking the 5 awkward minutes to tell them “hey when you say xyz or when xyz happens, it doesn’t make me feel great” is so worth the avoidance of them feeling guilty for causing you trouble by not knowing. You miss someone and they aren’t picking up at your hinting at hanging out? Maybe because you’re like me and assume people pick up on every hint. Newsflash, they really don’t. Don’t be afraid to just straight up tell them how you feel. The same goes for concepts like someone maybe making you feel discouraged about something, or not giving you attention or sympathy when you need it. You are not a hassle to ask for what you need. You are a human being with emotions and feelings that deserves to be loved exactly how she needs to be.

In terms of the GOOD stuff, the FUN stuff, the EXCITING stuff: TELL THEM THAT TOO! Tell them your favorite places to eat, tell them how you love it when they ask you how your day is, tell them that you appreciate when they pay for your coffee or pay attention to your feelings. Relationships are supposed to be FUN. Let them be. Don’t feel like you’re going to take anything away from yours by giving it a little guidance. Sure, they’re supposed to be easy, but a little effort goes a long way into making that easy smooth sailing.

I hope you were able to take a nugget or a few nuggets (I am STARVING and chicken nuggets sound stellar, wow) away from this and are able to feel a little bit more ownership and pride behind your heart. It’s a pretty special thing you have going for yourself, and it deserves to be treated exactly how it would like. Give that lil guy some love, and let others know how to give it some as well.

As for me, I accept any and all forms of chips & salsa, thanks. Hehe.

Until next time, xoxo, Ally

cropped-akn5

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