improve>change

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Being at college so far for a little less than 2 weeks has taught me a few things, including the following: salads are only healthy if you make them to be, geography twice a day isn’t good for anyone, and finding out who you are and what makes you happy is a whole new ballgame when you are in new surroundings.Through all the new shocking surroundings that I have been presented with in my short time here, I have learned that it is all one big summer camp these first few weeks. You get on busses, you meet new people, and then it hits you that you’re going to be here in these new surroundings all on your own for a very long time.

I’ve for sure already gotten homesick a few times within these weeks and have struggled with filling those thoughts in my mind with other activities to keep me busy and happy. One thing that has constantly kept me on my feet, is how in this new setting, I can be anything I want to be, yet I want to remain the same.

I am a firm believer that we are the way we are for a reason. We are good at certain things for a reason, we all have specialized talents for a reason, and we are passionate about various things for a reason. However, the things that we don’t exactly love about ourselves, or the things about us that make other people tick…those were placed in us with just as much of a purpose as those super fun and great things. This being said, I have spent a lot of my life trying to fix some of the things about myself that I don’t love or that I feel like should be changed in order to help others. For example, I get jealous of the silliest things so quickly that two minutes after I blow up on someone for it…I instantly regret it. I’ve wanted to change this about myself for so long because it is something that I feel that people may view badly about me.

I’ve realized one big thing this past year, the whole phrase “people change” is a bunch of shiz. They shouldn’t change. We are who we are for a reason, and after my multiple failed attempts of changing who I am, I have come to realize that it is a pretty silly thing to do. The more you deny something about yourself, the more and more frustrating it can be when this quality continues to appear in your daily life. You feel like you’re doing something wrong and that nothing you do to change is working. This is because instead of changing, we need to focus on improving. I will always be a jealous person, but instead of changing that, I’ve learned to just improve it. Instead of getting angry at myself every time the situation occurs that I get upset over, I’m training myself to see the good in it too. A friend once told me that jealousy is just one big ball of protection and care. Don’t get me wrong, I know that being jealous isn’t a good thing, but instead of denying that it or any other bad quality you feel you have happens, find ways to fix it. TALK ABOUT IT with your friends, journal about it to yourself. I have had some of the most meaningful conversations with people when we are completely open and honest about the good AND bad sides of ourselves!

Moral of the story: college, or any new situation, may bring on feelings of uneasiness that question if your qualities are true to yourself. Here’s a little tip: you are you because you are supposed to be you!!! Don’t fight any single bit about yourself! Embrace all of the things that make you feel that good type of super duper happy.

I love college, and I LOVE the school part of college. I love the finding of the quiet places to study and the long walks to and from classes. I think the topics are interesting and fun and being given this much responsibility is extremely satisfying to me. Learning to find peace with myself and creating this improved version of myself is such an exciting journey and i am SO pumped that you all can do it too!

until next time, love love love love ya!

xoxo, Ally

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