UGH has this post taken me forever to write or WHAT? (answer: yes. literally ages. or a few weeks. but I exaggerate a lot.) Basically I am still not ready to really write it all out, but I am forcing myself to because I really want to get on with some fun posts I have planned out but don’t feel like I can hop straight to “getting good sleep in college” or “books you NEED to read” (both real posts coming hehe stick around) after a couple weeks of zero posts and no explanation. So here we are, I’m back and trying my hardest to phrase all of this so you ca maybe somewhat understand where I am coming from or maybe even relate.
Coming back from Christmas break was great, I had a whole new semester ahead of me with some classes I thought I would absolutely love, I was ready to be back with my friends I rarely or not at all got to see over break, and I am one of those nerds who actually likes the learning aspect of school (nerdy is not a bad thing learning is so cool and fun) so I was ready to come back. And the first few weeks? Great! I loved being back just like I thought I would, okay the classes starting getting less exciting the more and more work I was assigned, but I knew I had signed up for that, I joined a food blog organization on campus (!!! more to come on that) and yet was feeling just, well for lack of a better and fancier term: not myself.
Although I am an introvert at heart, I thrive in social situations where I get to lead (aka group projects scare me but just let me do the whole thing and I’m fine with it) and take charge. I usually love alone time and am pretty (not always) good at time management and getting the things I need to done and then having time for an extra long shower or a few episodes of my current Netflix series (Glee, ALWAYS!). However, the past few weeks, I have simply been in a rut. A little funk if you will. I went home for a weekend and being with my family was the best way to cure it for a small period of time, and my mom made it down for a little mid-week adventure yesterday to spend some time with me (see above picture of my desk after she left. Trips to target and my parent’s spoiling me with even Valentine’s Day plates and napkins. Even a cute cookie from the sweetest neighbor girlies!) Things like that have made me realize how truly thankful and blessed I am to have the family that I do.
Honestly, nothing majorly bad happened in my life to make me feel off like I have. Sure I face everyday challenges like everyone else does. I don’t do as well on an assignment as I should have because I spent more time on pointless things, (may or may not have forgotten to do a few questions on my online math homework because of a OT KU game…but hey, it’s the game I’ll remember, not the .0001% off on my math grade.) (Not saying school doesn’t matter! school so matters! learning = so good!) I am not always the best friend in the world, I can be selfish, I have days where I am too absorbed in myself that I forget to talk to God, I have days where all I do is complain to God and ask for help and totally forget to THANK HIM for the simple things that I take for granted like being healthy and being able to live the wonderfully blessed life that I do!
Yeah, I still kinda feel funky, but yeah, I am realizing that there is no way anyone can go through life without a few funky periods. Because quite frankly, a life full of happiness would be pretty boring because all those happy moments would just blend together. The rough days make the good days ten times better. I’ve felt crazy guilty for not posting (trust me I had so many Valentine’s Day plans and ideas ready to go) but it just felt weird writing on love and life and happiness when that is something I am still figuring out myself as well and I would never ever wanna steer you in the wrong direction in terms of any of that good stuff. But here I am, telling you that mistakes happen, bad days happen, pity parties are allowed. But in the end, YOU are what changes that. YOU are gonna be with yourself your entire life, so fall the heck in love with yourself. Find what makes you happy. I am still on a search for the things in life that will forever make me happy (lattes and flowers are great, but temporary!) and ya know what? I am okay being picky with that. I have got a lot of people in my life that I love big time, and my big heart loves to love others and don’t get me wrong, I know that is a great quality and I will never ever stop loving others. But learning to take some of that energy to love myself is really crazy important. I emphasis finding your people a lot around here, but it is because in order to sustain health within yourself, you’ve gotta surround yourself with other people too. Sometimes not always literally, days to yourself are good too, but find those people who will be your “constants” even with all the “new” in your life. They’re real good. Even if they’re a facetime away or just a few floors up. Those people will get ya through the rough days, and you’ll get them through theirs. And then together you’ll celebrate the good days even more!
So there’s my little life update! My pal and I are headed out to a late Valentine’s Day night in KC tonight which I am super stoked about and will for sure have plenty of snaps to share so make sure @xoxoallisonnicole is followed on your Insta feed!
Until next time, stay happy, find your people, love big time,